And several years later...

So I was just writing about being a gecko owner back in 2007, and here I am, now an owner to Sam, toddler 2.0 =)

I rarely think of my once-written in blog... like all those diary attempts I did growing up. One and a half week here, two weeks there. Needless to say, I have problems sticking to my writing.

Maybe I'll pick this back up a little.

For now, I'll aim you to someone I met at church growing up. She has had quite a year...

Michelle

Seasons...big surprise!

You Belong in Spring

Optimistic, lively, and almost always happy with the world... You can truly appreciate the blooming nature of spring. Whether you're planting flowers or dyeing Easter eggs, spring is definitely your season!

What Season Are You?

The craziest things...

Never thought I'd be a leopard gecko owner...Who knew =)

My friend Christie was giving away her two lizards (our new leopard gecko and a bearded dragon) because her two boys weren't as interested in them as they once were (aka, mom became the caretaker). Since Abbey and Stephen thought it would be a great idea, I told her we would gladly take FRED, the three year old. I am warming up to our new lizard friend, even though I won't be the one feeding him the mealworms =)

Here is a kind of cool link for those of you who are creatively inclined...
http://onelittleword.blogspot.com/

Words are cool.

Finished...

I'm DONE WITH GRADUATE SCHOOL!!

Realistically, that doesn't mean that I'll post a lot more than I do.

But I might.

A picture is worth...

Some photos from this summer...

Fireworks on the 4th

Stephen and I camping

Jeremy Nelson on our kayak trip

Cindy, Chris, and Stephen at the fireworks

Stephen and Abbs camping

Oh those dog days of summer...

I thought maybe I'd be apt to write more now that it is summer, but I had also tricked myself into thinking I'd have the house spotless by now or that I'd write to my grandma more often, and, well, if you were my grandma or my house you'd see how that's gone. To be perfectly honest, I have never been good at documenting my life religiously even though I like the idea of it. When I was younger, I would start a new diary with the best intentions, but after several entries I would just be done with it I guess. The best effort I ever made was in college, and it wasn't even in a journal. Martin (foreign ex. student at MHS our senior year) and I wrote crazily long letters back and forth from ND to Germany, and I had the foresight to photocopy everything I wrote. A lot was going on in my life, and we generally shared everything. So I do have a good record of say 1994 - 1996. But that's about it.

Pair my lazy habits of writing about myself with the fact that I want to lay my life out for friends, but I know the audience can be anyone out there with a computer and a connection, and I get genuinely creeped out. I mean I know there are bloggers out there who are much more interesting than me (see list below, I'm not just self-depricating) and who share more than I ever would, but, mmmmmm, I dunno. You see, I'm the paranoid freak who locks the house when I take the recycling out back to the alley. Of course that's only when I am home alone. And for the record, the DQ by our house was robbed at gunpoint last year... So as much as I habitually read Heather's blog (Dooce) and Andrea's blog (superherodesigns) and they don't know me in any way, shape, or form, I am uneasy about unknown people reading mine. (Did I just admit that I am a hideous lurker? And that I am a hypocrite?)

Maybe this is just all an excuse for the fact that I doubt my wit and doubt that people do in fact read my blog in the first place.

(I guess I'm admitting that I'm insecure in some ways, too.)

Anyways, on with the real business for the day, lists. Because lists are easy, and lists don't require stunning wit!

A few of my favorite summer things:
(like the last fav. things list, not people, just things!)
Oh lovely Costco, how you are so much more desirable than Sam's Club.
Nature's Path Flax Plus Cereal (from Costco)
Vats of blueberries (from Costco)
Ecopolitan--Kim and I went on a lunch date here last Thursday.
Sommerfest/Macy's 24 Hours of Music--except for the fact that we took the city bus (and were totally proud of not driving for once) and missed getting into Orchestra Hall for the 8pm performance by the orchestra. We did see The New Standards, however, which could be a "fav things" line-item in themselves.
Ploughshare Farm--our CSA. We signed up to get a load of organic right-from-the-farm produce this summer. We are sharing it with Chris and Cindy, which gives us a good excuse to see them every week, too. Which reminds me that CHRIS and CINDY are back from Central America after living the good life there since February. Incredibly tan and looking good!
They are in Northeast right now but will be moving to south Mpls in August.
Camping--Wild River State Park. This is our regular spot, but I'd love to get back to Jay Cooke SP sometime. I think I put up some pictures last year around this time.
Kayaking--Stephen sold the old 70s speedboat that sat in our garage for two years, and we bought kayaks with the cash. Yes, the boat would have been fun, but being the non-SUV people we are, we never had a vehicle
big enough to pull the beast. The kayaks are considerably lighter...
REI--finally got a membership
Aveda Pure Privilege membership

A few of my favorite websites:
Heather B. Armstrong, full of wit I mean it
Andrea, honestly gives me hope for my creativity in the future
Another great writer who has an amazingly creative site
Loobylu and husband's creative kid sight. surely worth checking out
Ali Edwards. As much as I fight even wanting to do anything that remotely resembles (scrapbooking) I entertain the notion of doing it digitally when I look at her stuff.
Sabrina. I found her book when I was getting a divorce, forgot about it, and somehow came across her website in a completely different way. The world works in mysterious ways. Super creative and inspiring.

Have enjoyed in the last month:
A Prairie Home Companion movie
Over the Hedge--Ben Folds on the soundtrack! And please note that I didn't fall asleep during either movie... This is monumental.
Camping at Wild River
A MN Lightning game
Fireworks in downtown Mpls on the 4th.
Soccer games with Abbs
Sommerfest (see above)
Kayaking on Lake of the Isles and the St. Croix
Waterpark of America

Still to do this summer:
Canterbury Park
Music and movies in the park (Haley Bonar and Low!!)
Twins game with Marcus and family
Horseback riding at Wild River Stables
Mini golf

Thesis update:
I turned in the first three chapters of my thesis to Walter last Friday. 99 pages. Finally.

Something interesting I found this week: We must be willing to let go of the life we have planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us. --Joseph Campbell This is especially interesting for people like me who are planners. It reminds me that I can and should look at life in a different way more often than I do.

MS

Voice, where are you sucker?

So I don't know what was up with my writing yesterday, but I felt like my writing "voice" (uh, if I have one) was nowhere to be found...just a clusterfk of imaginings. Things I wanted to say, but not really a flow to them. Which made me cranky. Cranky.

So I do a fair share of blog-looking when I should really be doing my thesis, I guess, but I do get some inspiration from some that I read, so I'll have to link them sometime. One off the top of my head is www.superherodesigns.com I think. And her Community/Links section is good. I guess sometimes I get afraid of living blindly and some of the sites I frequent give me hope...and help me to reflect and come up with new ideas and laugh. Which is important.

My best friend from highschool (one Jennifer Smith) is getting married in September in northern MN. She lives in San Francisco, and I think her choice for the wedding spot is excellent. We've not talked a whole lot in the past several years, and I think because we never really fought as best friends have a weird passive agressive way of presenting our frustration in not being good adult friends. I wonder if this happens to other people, too. I wrote her yesterday, she replied today, and in what has to only be considered a miracle, I actually replied again just about a half an hour ago. This is the quickest reply I've ever had to her in probably 10 years... Here's something I wrote to her today...

"Ok, so I completely know why we were best friends in high school  =)  
Your emails always make me feel good.  Most of the time I view our 
friendship with my tail between my legs, like I've really screwed up 
somehow and lost you forever.  I guess time without correspondance 
and miscommunication will do that, but I usually just feel dumb about 
it.  Very grown up, I know...Anyways, you always give me hope that I 
haven't completely screwed myself out of a great friend, even if we 
aren't "current" I guess in each others lives.  I do want to work to 
improve that throughout our 30s, but like anything that changes for 
the better, I know I'll need to try harder and not just talk about 
writing more...actually do it.  The one thing I want you know know is 
that when I hunker in (usually in the winter, but not just then) it 
isn't just away from you.  I'm not off visiting other friends or 
going out all the time here.  Stephen and I and our friends in Mpls 
are pretty guilty of the same; really we go out with Jeremy Nelson 
every other week and that's our only stable going out time.  So this 
"taking time for friends because you only live once and need to reach 
out" thing... yea, gotta work on it on several fronts. =("

I really started to think about how friendships make the transition into
adulthood several years ago when some of Stephen's friends made the
decision to cut off one of the guys who wasn't really giving anything in
terms of a friendship/relationship anymore, who maybe never had but
was just one of the guys in high school.  It scared the living daylights
out of me.  Not that I thought it was unjust...the guy really didn't
contribute a lot to them I guess and I don't know most of what went on,
but I thought about my relationship with Jen and how I've been so
content about being so passive and not really giving anything.  Just
taking it for granted.  And I didn't want her to hate me or to not want anything
to do with me.  Not that we both haven't been guilty of not writing/calling,
but I guess I take it on the hardest for some reason.  I mean I lived with her
during the summer of 97 and she's been here for me through TWO weddings,
but we lose track of each other's day to day worries,  joys, happenings, etc.
Which sucks plainly spoken.  And it is weird because another good friend
(Heather) and I can pick right back up, but I think that's because we weren't as
close as Jen and I were.  Any thoughts? This happening to anyone else?  Am I
yelling into a deserted forest?  Did I ever tell you that the blog world sometimes
creeps me out?  MS

Happy mother's day!

I must admit, Mother's Day is a little weird for me as a step-mom... Most people envision step-moms in stereotyipcal ways--as the evil Cinderella type, as someone who only has to parent on the weekends, and definitely as secondary to the "real" mom. Are you really a parent??? These things are hard for me. I raise Abbey with all my heart; we have her four nights a week which means I help put her to bed/wake her up/dress her/feed her/love her/help with every whim of hers four days and nights each week. Unlike the stereotypical divorced dad, Stephen has equal custody. No weekends-only or just summertime crap. When Abbey is here, it's full-on parenting.

So today when she said, "You are the best thing in the world, even if I didn't come out of your stomach," it felt pretty sweet =) I got mushy inside, but I get mushy inside a lot with Abbs; she's a cool kid to have.

Parenting as a step parent is definitely different than what I have always envisioned parenting would be like. Even if you get along with the other set of people (which I do) you still have to reconcile your ideas of parenting (How you think it should be done--what is really best for a kid? What are your goals in raising a kid?) with other adults. And I learned the hard way--after a divorce--that people don't always have the same vision of what adulthood should be like...I've come to realize that likewise, people have different visions of raising a child. So I've learned a lot, encountered a lot of stress, and I've learned a ton about myself by being a parent. I believe I've become a better person by helping raise Abagail.

Stephen and I are looking to get pregnant within the next year, and while I'm still a little scared, I am excited, too! I think we are finally ready. I hear from people that there isn't really a good time to get pregnant, but I fully believe that there are better times than others. We've had to be patient before--had to wait at least two years to pay off debt from past marriages before we could buy a house and be financially stable. Had to wait to get a dog before we got that house. Have to wait, I suppose several more years, before we have some extra cash to travel and take Abbey on some memorable trips (you know, actually do Spring Break!) Have to wait, hopefully not forever, before we can get a lake cabin... Had to wait until we felt ready to have a baby, and I think that time has finally come...So my sister lent me five or six baby books. They are a little overwhelming (and I'll take Stephen's advice to not read any of them cover to cover or else I'll become a hypochondriac) but I don't know ANYTHING about pregnancy really (other than take folic acid and, um, practice, practice, practice), so I've been looking at them a little. Got a lot to learn! I started with Abbey when she was just turning five, so I don't have much baby experience =) I'll get there soon enough I guess!

Anyways, one last bit on parenting before I fully give in to having to balance my checkbook (can't procrastinate much longer). The new Vanity Fair has an article on Nicole Richie, who was adopted by Lionel Richie and his wife when she was around 9. Her biological dad played with Lionel and her biological mom was on the road with Prince, so she was left a lot as a baby, toddler, and kid. After I explained this to Stephen and Abbey at supper (Cause everyone needs to know this, right? Yeah, we have great table talk =) Abbey asked if N. Richie's mom loved her. I said that she probably did, but that love in itself isn't enough to raise a child well. Loving her daughter didn't mean that she was being a good parent. Love is definitely the first requirement, but there is a lot more to it than that. I love Abbey with all my heart, but I've learned that it indeed takes much more...including a lot of trial and error...and patience, and heart, and listening, and humor, and on and on and on...to raise a child. I'm sure I'll add "getting up in the middle of the night numerous times" and "changing diapers" to that list sometime here. So looking forward to that =)

Well, that's it for now. Time to face Microsoft Money. Unless I find something else to do before then... Hasta luego... Michelle