I must admit, Mother's Day is a little weird for me as a step-mom... Most people envision step-moms in stereotyipcal ways--as the evil Cinderella type, as someone who only has to parent on the weekends, and definitely as secondary to the "real" mom. Are you really a parent??? These things are hard for me. I raise Abbey with all my heart; we have her four nights a week which means I help put her to bed/wake her up/dress her/feed her/love her/help with every whim of hers four days and nights each week. Unlike the stereotypical divorced dad, Stephen has equal custody. No weekends-only or just summertime crap. When Abbey is here, it's full-on parenting.
So today when she said, "You are the best thing in the world, even if I didn't come out of your stomach," it felt pretty sweet =) I got mushy inside, but I get mushy inside a lot with Abbs; she's a cool kid to have.
Parenting as a step parent is definitely different than what I have always envisioned parenting would be like. Even if you get along with the other set of people (which I do) you still have to reconcile your ideas of parenting (How you think it should be done--what is really best for a kid? What are your goals in raising a kid?) with other adults. And I learned the hard way--after a divorce--that people don't always have the same vision of what adulthood should be like...I've come to realize that likewise, people have different visions of raising a child. So I've learned a lot, encountered a lot of stress, and I've learned a ton about myself by being a parent. I believe I've become a better person by helping raise Abagail.
Stephen and I are looking to get pregnant within the next year, and while I'm still a little scared, I am excited, too! I think we are finally ready. I hear from people that there isn't really a good time to get pregnant, but I fully believe that there are better times than others. We've had to be patient before--had to wait at least two years to pay off debt from past marriages before we could buy a house and be financially stable. Had to wait to get a dog before we got that house. Have to wait, I suppose several more years, before we have some extra cash to travel and take Abbey on some memorable trips (you know, actually do Spring Break!) Have to wait, hopefully not forever, before we can get a lake cabin... Had to wait until we felt ready to have a baby, and I think that time has finally come...So my sister lent me five or six baby books. They are a little overwhelming (and I'll take Stephen's advice to not read any of them cover to cover or else I'll become a hypochondriac) but I don't know ANYTHING about pregnancy really (other than take folic acid and, um, practice, practice, practice), so I've been looking at them a little. Got a lot to learn! I started with Abbey when she was just turning five, so I don't have much baby experience =) I'll get there soon enough I guess!
Anyways, one last bit on parenting before I fully give in to having to balance my checkbook (can't procrastinate much longer). The new Vanity Fair has an article on Nicole Richie, who was adopted by Lionel Richie and his wife when she was around 9. Her biological dad played with Lionel and her biological mom was on the road with Prince, so she was left a lot as a baby, toddler, and kid. After I explained this to Stephen and Abbey at supper (Cause everyone needs to know this, right? Yeah, we have great table talk =) Abbey asked if N. Richie's mom loved her. I said that she probably did, but that love in itself isn't enough to raise a child well. Loving her daughter didn't mean that she was being a good parent. Love is definitely the first requirement, but there is a lot more to it than that. I love Abbey with all my heart, but I've learned that it indeed takes much more...including a lot of trial and error...and patience, and heart, and listening, and humor, and on and on and on...to raise a child. I'm sure I'll add "getting up in the middle of the night numerous times" and "changing diapers" to that list sometime here. So looking forward to that =)
Well, that's it for now. Time to face Microsoft Money. Unless I find something else to do before then... Hasta luego... Michelle
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