Is this common?

So I'm here... just me and my Naked Food-Juice. Food-juice? Superfood: Green Machine. I'm trying my hardest to stay healthy. The whooping cough is creeping around school, and frankly, it's not something I want. On the way to the store, I was listening to a fairly new radio station here in the Twin Cities, the Current. I favor the guy who runs his show in the evening. He plays lots of music that I really like. Sonic Youth and WIlco on the way home tonight. Not to mention Will Oldham. And he's also played Elliot Smith.

I feel empty when I think of Elliot Smith killing himself. I plainly love his music... have seen him several times in concert both here in Mpls and in Olympia. And I didn't even know about his death until maybe a half year later, which really makes me feel old and out of the loop. Margaret Cho has a poignant little essay on him and his life. And she asks, "What is heaven like Elliott Smith?" "Do you feel better?"

It makes me realize even more how I think about death every day and how I hope I'm set to outrun it until I'm good and old and ready. Truly, the ever-present thought that I could get hit by a car or run into something myself bothers me daily. Is this common? I don't think I let it get in the way of what I set out to do, but it does take a little of the sunshine away. It is this little worry-hope that everyone in my life will return home fine at the end of the day, continue on, set out again the next day. I know it's cliche, but I do wonder, really, what my future will be like, how long I'll live, what sicknesses I'll endure. Here's to good genes that have kept my Grandma Bert alert at 91... Love you, Grandma.